Confessions

The past year or so has been very difficult for me - spiritually, emotionally, professionally, physically...


Let me start by saying I am truly grateful for how my life has been blessed over the past year. Scott continues to excell at work and in school. Spencer continues to be healthy and happy and I have survived one of the more difficult years of my life (even though at times it has felt like too much).

Having a child with special needs - even though Spencer's needs are relatively minor - is simply exhausting. Compounded by the fact that I have the calling that I do (Relief Society President for the past year) and need to work full-time (for the time being), I suppose I constantly feel guilty that I am not home enough or don't have enough energy to help him. We are definitely learning to be more patient parents- as he tends to become frustrated/angry very easily with his inability to communicate.

Starting Spencer with Early Intervention at age 2 was a welcome relief to have the help we needed to address his speech delay. Melanie, our speech therapist, was fantastic at drawing Spencer out and working around his (at times) stubborn nature. In the beginning, Spencer made no attempt to form words, but it was great to see that as time went by, he started making a few sounds - b, m, s. His interest in communicating words in other ways, like sign language, has really taken off in the past few months - we love Baby Signing Time videos at our house! He can sign when he wants "milk", needs "help", wants "more"...and his frustration level has been decreased. He still has a long way to go, but we have truly been blessed with wonderful people (therapists, babysitters) who support us - and I need all the support I can get!

And just when we thought life could not get more complicated, I experienced 2 miscarriages relatively close together (July 2010 and November 2010). I did not know how difficult it was going to be for me to cope...especially after the second time. Not a day goes by when I don't think about the "whys" and the "what ifs," but I have to believe it is all necessary part of my learning during this earthly experience.

In spite of it all, I can say I am grateful for how we have been sustained. Thanks to all of you who have offered prayers on our behalf. We know our Heavenly Father loves and cares for us...as evidenced in the fact that we are still smiling!